


I realized just yesterday what you mean to me

by Polikuro



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: And a bit of their families too, Christmas Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Light Angst, Louis is only mentioned, M/M, basically it's only Niall and Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:24:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5647198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polikuro/pseuds/Polikuro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started as a misunderstanding. Harry had the bad idea to tell his mother he got himself a boyfriend right before his birthday. He didn't expect her to come all the way to Dublin to celebrate his twenty-second birthday.  This boyfriend wasn't expecting either to be asked so soon to meet Harry's family. He decided to stop everything the day before Anne's arrival. The curly haired lad decided to wait until she was with him to tell her there wasn't a boyfriend in the picture anymore. She was so happy to see her son, she hugged him for at least ten minutes, refusing to let him go.</p>
<p>“So, where's that boyfriend of yours?” she asked with the brightest smile Harry had ever seen, making him cringe.<br/>“Mam, about that” he started trying to be smooth to tell her he had been dumped the night before. Just when he was going to open his mouth again, the front door opened and closed quickly.<br/>“Honey, I'm home!” Niall shout from the hallway, making Harry inhale sharply and his mother squeal in delight.<br/>“I knew it! You two are finally a thing then. Were you afraid to tell me? You know I love that boy almost as much as you do.” she rambled while Harry watched her, unable to disappoint her by telling her the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I realized just yesterday what you mean to me

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I'm french. It's important because it explains my lack of vocabulary and my, probably, many grammatical errors. I re-read it times and times again, but I'm sure there's still a lot left. I don't have any bêta, so if you wanna correct those in the comments, be my guest. :)
> 
> That being said, this is my first attempt at writing something in English so it's not worth that much, but I had fun writing it, so it's all that matters. 
> 
> I'm nothing like Ryan and people that write incredibly well. If you've never read Through the looking glass (I see you staring back at me), I assure you that it's worth it. Incredible job ! 
> 
> I'll leave you to it ! I love Narry !

It all started as a misunderstanding. Harry had the bad idea to tell his mother he finally got himself a boyfriend right before his birthday. He didn't expect her to come all the way to Dublin just to celebrate his twenty-second birthday. This boyfriend wasn't expecting either to be asked so soon to meet Harry's family. He decided to stop everything the day before Anne's arrival. The curly haired lad decided to wait until she was with him to tell her there wasn't a boyfriend in the picture anymore because he was incapable to keep his mouth shut. 

She was so happy to see her son, she hugged him for at least ten minutes, refusing to let him go. They had seen each other for Christmas. They had already spend almost a year without seeing each other but it didn't matter to her. He will always be her baby, no matter how grown up he was now. He felt small in his mother's arms. Ready to cry even though his heart wasn't really breaking. He didn't know that guy so well. They only dated three or four times during the last month or so. 

“So, where's that boyfriend of yours?” she asked with the brightest smile Harry had ever seen, making him cringe.  
“Mam, about that” he started, struggling with his words, trying to be smooth to tell her he had been dumped the night before. Just when he was going to open his mouth again, the front door opened and closed quickly.  
“Honey, I'm home!” they heard Niall shout from the hallway, making Harry inhale sharply and his mother squeal in delight.  
“I knew it! You two are finally a thing then. Were you afraid to tell me? You know I love that boy almost as much as you do. You two are perfect for each other. I can't wait to tell Gemma. She will be so delighted” she started rambling while Harry watched her, unable to disappoint her by telling her the truth. 

Just as he thought it couldn't be worse, Niall came barging in the room, pressing a loud smack on his cheek and greeting Anne like the adorable asshole he was. She immediately started to congratulate them and saying how wonderful she felt about the two of them “finally” getting together. The blond boy didn't say a word to contradict her. Harry wish he did, so he didn't have to do it. She was rambling again and Niall was watching Harry closely, waiting for him to say something. He just shrugged, not able to say anything. 

She stayed three days. During those three days, Niall spent the majority of his hours at the library preparing an exam he had a few days later. He was avoiding Harry carefully too. Especially when he was with his mother since he was unable to tell her he wasn't dating the blond boy he shared a flat with. Every time the two of them were in the same room as her, she started talking, and talking and talking about how amazing it was to see them like this, making Niall blush and Harry cringe. It was his fault and he just had to open his mouth to make this stop, but he preferred waiting for her to go back to her life and forget about all of this. 

Except, she never forgot. Every phone call she asked about them, how they were doing and each time Harry told her they were good. He never, not even once, told her they weren't dating. He never talked about them romantically and he thought she had figured everything out by now. It was December, they had started their last year at Dublin's university and they were still sharing their small flat in the heart of the city and everything was good. Harry's mother was planning Christmas and calling almost everyday, annoying her son with silly questions he didn't have answers to. 

“How are you doing things with Niall this year?”  
“Niall?” He asked unsure of what she was talking about. “Same as usual I guess. He goes to his family, and I go back home and then we reunite for new year's eve. We haven't really talked about it to be honest.”  
“Sweetheart, you've been dating for almost a year now, you should be celebrating Christmas together. I want to see him, and I'm sure Maura would be delighted to have you too.”

He was too shocked to contradict her once again. He thought she had understood they weren't a thing after all. Yeah, he never textually told her “no I'm not dating Niall” but it was implied. He talked about Niall going out and yeah he never told his mother the blond boy came back with a few people but just because he thought it was inappropriate to talk about his roommate’s sex life with his mother. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't hear the rest of what she said to him about couples celebrating Christmas together. 

“I'll talk to him” he hanged up on her before she could say anything else. 

He stayed in his room for a few hours thinking about excuses to come alone. He could say he already booked his flight and it was full, but she would say he could come a little bit later. He could also tell her they broke things off, but it would be strange since they live together and don't plan on stopping sharing this flat anytime soon. He knows they could find a way to spend Christmas break with both their families but he doesn't know how to ask Niall this favor. He had been avoiding him for almost an entire week after his mother came in February. 

And here he is now, entering his living room where Niall is playing guitar with papers all around him, trying desperately to find a good subject for his dissertation. It isn't really a success so far. It was easier when they didn't have all those researches to do by themselves. It's their last year and they have a project to do involving lots and lots of hours spent in the library reading and thinking. Not what Niall loves the most to be honest. 

“What are you doing for Christmas?” No time to waste. His mother won't let him breathe until he tells her Niall's coming with him or he's going with Niall.  
“Going to Mullingar, as always. Why?” Harry hopes he wont look up and stare at him. He doesn't know if he'll be able to tell him if he sees his eyes.  
“Mam wants to see you” he says in a whisper afraid of the blond's reaction. It's then that he looks up, suspicion all over his features.  
“You didn't tell her” it's not a question. Harry is just happy Niall's not mad at him. “Why didn't you? It's been almost a year!”  
“That's why she wants you to come” replies the brown haired boy. “I thought it was implied when I told her you were going out and seeing people and stuff.” He shrugs, hoping Niall will leave it there and say he'll come with him.  
“You should have told her from the start Harry. I'm not” he breathes “I can't cancel my plans just to come with you because you're unable to tell your mother you don't actually have a boyfriend.”  
“I'm not asking you to, I could come with you?” He asks, hopeful.  
“And drag my ma in the middle of this mess? No fucking way Harold!” He stands up, putting his guitar aside. “You're a big boy. Just tell your mother she invented all of this and voila.”  
“I let her believe it for ten months, I can't backtrack now,” He pleads with his pout and big eyes hoping to change his mind.  
“Not my problem.”  
“Come on Niall! Only a few days, then I won't see her for a few months and I can tell her we broke up when I find someone else. Please Niall. I can't disappoint her. It's Christmas. I'll do everything you want. Cleaning every single one of your stinking socks for a month, cleaning the dishes too and cooking, although I'm already the one cooking. You just have to name your price” he jogs after his friend, silently praying he'll say yes. “Please, please, please, please” he chants hoping to bother him to make him say yes.  
“Fine! Fine! Whatever. I'm coming with you. Two days only! Your mother will have to deal with it.” He already knows it's a bad idea but he can't say no.  
“Thank you! You're the bestest friend ever Niall Horan! I'll do your laundry from now on.” The blond boy bites his lips, not wanting to say he already does their laundry anyway. He's fucked. He will have to find an excuse for his mother and he knows she'll want Harry to come if he says he's going home with him. He sighs heavily, dropping his head against the wall while Harry's all smile and chanting in the background. 

◙

“I refuse to kiss you Harold” Niall shouts for the hundredth time at least.  
“But they'll ask! They do it every year. Each time one of us brings someone new, we have to kiss, it's tradition” Harry pouts again, making his friend sigh once more.  
“I'm not your fucking boyfriend! Find someone else to kiss you” he's so fed up with this conversation.  
“They'll think you are.”  
“Because you're a shitty son who's too afraid to tell his mummy he doesn't date his roommate” he knows he sounds angry and bitter but he knows Harry's family and they won't get off their back. He's only staying two days and it'll be a living hell. He can't kiss his best friend for fuck's sake.  
“Come on Niall! If we practice now it'll be easier afterward. I'm not a bad kisser I promise! I'll stay very gentle” he tries to make amend.  
“It's not the problem. I can't kiss you Harry!” He camps on his position.  
“Why?”  
“Because you're my best friend?” He shrugs. It's just strange to think about kissing someone you've known for so long and been friends with for years.  
“It'll be like an experiment. It's only pretend Niall! You don't have to put your tongue in my mouth and suck the life out of me. Just a bit of press and that's it!” Harry's making him laugh. He seems so sure it's no big deal. “Just like your parents kiss you when you're little. It's the same thing! It doesn't matter. I'm okay with it.”  
“You sure they'll be happy if I don't go all the way with it?” His resolve is melting.  
“Don't think my nan wants to see me snogging my boyfriend so yeah I'm positive.”

Niall believes him so they try a bit and it's not that bad. They almost don't feel a thing when their lips press. They're both a bit timid at first, but then they find each others hair or back and it's easier. After that they start to act a little more than friendly. A kiss on the cheek there, hands brushing together, cuddles in the middle of the living room. It's only practice so they don't seem too stranded around each other when they'll have to do it in front of others. During the week before they leave for Holmes Chapel, Harry kisses Niall every night before going to bed like he would do it if they were really boyfriends and it's nice enough that Niall doesn't complain a single time. 

◙

“My baby” Anne screams when her son enters the room. She wraps him in a crushing hug and only lets go of him to embrace Niall.  
“Mum, let me hug my little brother's boyfriend too” Gemma attempts to break them apart.  
“I'm here! You could hug me” sulks Harry already annoyed by the fact that his friend is getting more attention than him.  
“Don't worry Haz, my ma'll never let go of you when you come over” reassures Niall, smiling at his boyfriend.  
“You didn't tell me you were going to Niall's family afterward. I have to call Maura, we have a lot to talk about” Niall sends an horrified look towards his curly friend. Harry comes closer to him, whispering in his ear so no one hears “don't worry, she'll forget about it.”  
“Like she forgot about us?” His eyebrows rise in a questioning manner “Don't want my ma involved in this Haz.” He shushes him with a kiss on his cheek and by changing the subject so his mother doesn't call Niall's right now. 

The first few hours are easy. It's only Anne, Robin, Gemma and her boyfriend. Nobody's asking invasive questions. No one wants to watch them kiss or speak lovingly. It's simple and normal. They don't have to pretend they're madly in love and can't stand being apart more than two minutes. They're just a bit more tactile than usual but not really. They smile, they talk, they exchange looks and everyone seem happy for them. Harry thinks then that he would have loved Gemma's boyfriend to be the new shining thing. It would have been easier but they've been dating for a while, so he's clearly not newsworthy to his family. 

Things get a bit more hectic when everyone else arrive. His aunts and uncles all gushing about how adorable Niall is. Harry can't really say anything to contradict them, they're right. But the worst one of them all is definitely his nan. She spends at least ten minutes turning around the blond boy, examining him from all angles before deciding that he's pretty enough for Harry. He wants to help him, he sees how red Niall becomes but he can't do anything to take him away from his nan. When she approves of him, Harry releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. It's oddly comforting to see his nan loving his boyfriend. Fake boyfriend. Best friend. Whatever. 

Then everyone's starting to mind his own business and it gets simpler for them. They just stand together, talking with others about classes mostly. Their uni projects are being discussed for what feels like hours. It's easy to talk about that, they know their researches pretty well by this point. It's getting a bit more complicated when alcohol gets involved. One of Harry's aunt's asking how they met. Which is a pretty easy one to start with. 

First day of university. Harry was trying desperately to move his stuff to his dorm. Nobody was willing to help him, every single person being busy with their own things. He was carrying a box full of stupid things that reminded him of home like postcards and photographs and candles and stuff. He couldn't really look past the box so he ran into Niall. Harry being his clumsy self really. He expected someone shouting at him for being so clueless and idiot, but instead he heard a fit of laughter. And that was it. They hit it off right from the start. After their first year of uni, they decided to take a flat instead of staying in the dorms. They loved partying, but not every single weekend, it was calmer this way. Cheesy start of a relationship if you ask them, but it's the complete truth. 

When questions are being asked about their loving relationship, they both get a bit on edge. They didn't discuss this topic. So when they're asked how their friendship turned into something more, they're embarrassed. Fortunately, Niall's reddening cheeks are enough for them to drop the matter. They're apparently more keen on teasing him than hearing their love story which is fine by them. After that everyone's too pissed to care, even Harry and Niall themselves. People are starting to go to bed around midnight. They're the last one up and decide to go to Harry's room. They share the bathroom, brushing their teeth together, like a really domestic couple which makes Harry smile easily. When they finally go under the covers, Niall can sense Harry's flustered. 

“What's the matter?” he doesn't like when Harry's like that. He's insufferable when something's on his mind. And he won't talk about it till you ask him. Apparently because he doesn't want to be a bother which is ridiculous since he's worse when he doesn't talk.  
“I can't even kiss you goodnight, we're sharing the same bed” Niall starts laughing loudly at that. He wasn't expecting that. He puts his hand on his mouth, trying desperately to be quiet about it.  
“That's what's been bothering you? Do you want me to go in the corridor and pretend I'm going to bed in another room so you can kiss me?” He knows he shouldn’t have asked when Harry's eyes light up.  
“You would do that?” He asks hopeful, making Niall sigh heavily.  
“I'm comfortably installed Haz, I don't want to get up.” The little disappointed “oh” he gets in reply his enough to put him on his feet only seconds after. 

Harry follows him eagerly. They close the door and Niall leans against it, waiting for his fate. Harry's beaming smile is making him light-headed. He usually waits for him to bend down and peck him, but this time he grabs his T-shirt and drags him down to him. It feels slightly different maybe because of alcohol or because of everyone saying all day long how good they looked together. Niall has to break away when he starts to feel Harry's hand going under his shirt. It feels nice, too nice. Nobody's touched him for weeks, months even and he doesn't want to do anything stupid. So he frees himself, wishing Harry good night with a lazy grin before going back in the room, knowing his curly friend would follow soon after. They try to talk about what they could say about the start of this new supposed relationship, but they fall asleep in the middle of it. 

When Niall wakes up, he's not even surprised to find Harry in his arms. It's always the same thing each time they share a bed. Harry's the taller one, but he is so soft inside, he loves to be cuddled. Niall's pretty sure Harry grabs his arm during his sleep and puts them around him without even realizing. He's always so apologetic when he wakes up. Niall's always thought it was utterly cute so he lets him apologize each time even though it's not a bother. Today's no different. But this time Niall tells him it's okay. 

“If someone had opened the door, they would have find us tangled together, it would look better than being on each side of the bed far from the other, don't you think?” Niall tries to reassure him. Harry looks particularly insecure this morning.  
“I'm sure my mother did” he replies with a smile, making Niall smile back and kissing his cheek. It feels so natural. They didn't really do that before, but it has become a thing during this last year. 

Breakfast is so calm it sets Harry's nerve on edge. Niall can feel it. Everyone's so quiet and peaceful and it scares Harry. Niall doesn't know what to do to soothe him except staying by his side, tracing light patterns on his back or thigh. It seems to work a little bit, but not enough to appease him totally. Niall finds him pacing in his room when he gets back from his shower. He was gone for ten minutes only and Harry seems worse than he's even seen him. Exams stress him, first dates too, but he's never seen him like this. He looks like he's loosing his mind. 

“What's on your mind Haz? You've been fidgeting all morning, it's starting to stress me too” Harry's head snaps up like he didn't know Niall was in the room with him. He tugs at his hair, ruffling it like he does all the time.  
“They still haven't asked us to kiss” he breathes out, almost shy.  
“Yeah and?” Niall doesn't see it as a bad thing.  
“And it's weird Niall! They're gonna throw something at us. Maybe they understood it's not real or I don't know. They were all over Gemma and Sean the first time she brought him home for Christmas. Always asking them things. It's been so uneventful with us, it stresses me.” He didn't need to vocalize the last part, Niall understood by himself that his nerves are getting the better of him. The blond boy sits up on the bed and pats the spot next to him for his friend.  
“Everything will be fine, Haz” he starts reassuringly. “I'm sure they will start again as soon as we're downstairs. We'll have to kiss plenty of times, so much you won't want to be anywhere near me by the end of the day.”  
“Not possible” Harry murmurs under his breath and Niall pretends he didn't catch it.  
“Is it so bad if they find out the truth? I mean, come on Harry it’ll be best for everyone, ourselves included if we didn't have to pretend” Niall tries to be convincing. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.  
“All my family thinking I lied to my mum for 10 months isn’t that bad? You’re kidding me, right?” He looks angry now and Niall doesn’t know how to respond. He’s rarely seen Harry in that mood.  
“We would just explain the situation. They would understand. Your family loves you Harry. It isn’t gonna change just because you pretended your roommate is your boyfriend” He gives his friend a reassuring smile hoping to ease the tension.  
“You’re more than a roommate. You’re my best friend.” he replies after taking a long breath to calm down. “Guess we’ll have to figure it out soon.”  
“Come on, take a shower, relax and I’ll meet you downstairs. Everything will be alright.” He claps Harry on the shoulder before making his way out. 

Niall wasn’t expecting Harry’s family to start asking questions as soon as he got down. It looks like they waited for Niall to be alone to corner him. Who kissed the other the first? Niall says it’s him cause Harry’s too much of a coward to act. Even though he’s the one who brought the idea of training and instigated their first one. Of course he doesn’t explain that to his family. Who said I love you first. This time he settles for Harry, big romantic Harry would obviously be the first one to declare his love. When they ask about their first date, he doesn’t really lie. They ate in a beautiful restaurant at the start of the year. He explains that Harry told him during the meal he wanted to be more than friends. Niall agreed with him and kissed him when they got back home and voila!

Except it doesn’t seem enough to satisfy their thirst of knowledge about their alleged relationship. They want to know so many different things that it starts to overwhelm the irish boy. How did their friends find out? What did they thought about all of this? What about their parents? Niall doesn't like the idea of lying about his family. He knows they don't have issues with his sexuality, but he never came home with anyone. He never had a boyfriend that stayed long enough to be presented to his family. So he doesn't really know what they would think about all of this. 

He's so relieved to see Harry come down that the first thing he does is running toward him to give him a big hug. He takes this opportunity to explain him the situation and tell him what he told to his family. He doesn't detail every single answer, but the big plot. He's so tense, but he feels Harry relax. The more he tells Harry, the more the curly haired lad relaxes and the more he tenses himself. It's so weird to have to lie like this. Niall's on the verge of tears. He's happy to be in his best friends arms to collect himself before facing again Harry's nosy family. 

“Ready to face an entire army of people asking us to kiss?” Harry's attempt to joke is terrible but it does the job. Niall feels a bit more calm.  
“Right now, kissing you feels like the easy part” Niall feels his lips brushing Harry's neck. He's so close and he doesn't really want to let go, but he has to. They already spent too much time away.  
“Did you miss him that much?” An aunt asks Niall and he feels himself reddening by the second. He tries to laugh it off but he really did miss him while he was alone facing them. It's good anyway, maybe they won't be as nosy as before since they saw their display of affection.  
“Come on Harry. You should reward him with a kiss.” They're both surprised because it's his nan who's asking. 

They freeze at the same time. Knowing it'll happen doesn't make it easier when it happens for real. It's strange to say the least. They've known each other for years now. They've only kissed a handful of times and now they're supposed to do it in front of Harry's entire family. They stare at each other a few more seconds before leaning in. Their lips brush lightly, touching softly as if they're afraid to let it out of control. Harry's hands find their way to Niall's hip and it feels easier, comfier to touch and kiss. They become a bit oblivious to their public. Harr'ys growing smile when he untangles himself from his friend is so fond Niall can't refrain the urge to kiss his forehead. It was easier done than said for once. 

They're left alone after this. Apparently they did their job right and no one is bothering them anymore with intrusive questions. They spend the day holding hands, touching whenever they want to and acting like they always do. It doesn't seem weird to neither of them. They're just us, Niall and Harry, friends who touch a bit more and move at the same time. Sometimes it feels like they're twins or something, it can be scary how they think the same thing at the same time. It seems to please Harry's family beyond expectations. When they go to sleep, Niall doesn't think twice before stopping Harry in front of their door and letting him kiss him like they did this past week to practice. Telling him goodnight feels kind of like the best moment of his day. They cuddle easily, Harry's head on Niall's bare shoulder and their legs tangled. 

“It was oddly easy. Wasn't weird, was it?” Harry feels like he needs reassurance from his friend now that it's almost over. They had a good day despite his worries.  
“Felt almost normal” Niall agrees “but I'm glad it's over soon. It'll be even easier in Mullingar. No need to kiss in front of people anymore”.  
“Only in front of people?” Harry jokes. He loves to play with Niall and twist his words. It's so easy to piss him off.  
“You know I don't like public display of affection. It makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. Real or not real doesn't change anything to that fact” Niall tries to shrug but he can't with Harry draped over his body.  
“And yet you love to cuddle so much when we're in private” Harry knows he's the cuddler, but it's true that Niall tends to touch him more when they're alone, which is quite strange when he thinks about it.  
“Can't keep my hands to myself around you. Can't help myself, you're too soft and cute” Harry knows Niall's kind of making fun of him but he can't stop the blush that spreads on his cheeks. He loves compliments, especially from people he loves so much it sort of hurts sometimes. 

They don't add anything. They simply lay there and wait for sleep to wash over their body. Niall's arm tucked under Harry's body starts to feel numb but he doesn't budge. He likes to feel the weight of Harry's body against his own. They don't talk, they don't sleep, they don't move either. They only stay there silently and they feel good about it. No need to fill in the silence. It's not awkward or embarrassing. It's them, quiet, calm, serene, peaceful, simple, easy, fluent, effortless. They love each other, not in the way most people think at first but there is definitely some kind of love in the middle of all of this. Neither of them wants to think too much about it. No need for complications. 

The following morning is a bit of a rush. Preparing their bags for Ireland even though they only stayed two nights at Harry's. Saying goodbye to everyone and chatting a bit more about random stuff no one will remember next week. They almost don't make it in time for their flight. Harry doesn't stop complaining about how companies don't leave enough room for legs between seats. Niall repeats the same thing each time they take a plane together. Giraffes are not meant to fly. Especially clumsy ones. Harry never laughs, but Niall is pretty sure he keeps complaining just to hear him say it again and again. 

They manage to take their train in time, even with a fifteen minutes delay due to snow on the landing track. How cliche is that? Christmas with snow falling from the sky. Niall immerses himself in his thoughts, watching the snow fall behind the window glass. Harry takes his time to examine him carefully, he does that often, watching his features with attentive eyes. He's always thought Niall was beautiful but sometimes he forgets it, so he takes his time to admire him only to remind himself how gorgeous his friend is. Sometimes he takes this opportunity to remind Niall as well. His blushing cheeks are even more stunning. 

Finding a cab in Mullingar seems almost like an impossible mission. They finally find one after waiting for nearly 25 minutes outside. The snow probably doesn't help traffic. The ride takes 45 minutes instead of 20. When the car pulls in the driveway, Niall's so excited and tired at the same time that he jumps from the car before it even parks. He hasn't seen his family in so long. He lives closer to his family than Harry but it feels like he sees them only for Christmas. He misses them like crazy when he's away in Dublin. But after a few days in his little town, he can't wait to go back to his little life with Harry. It's crazy, but for now he's so happy he feels like he could burst. He nearly runs to the door, Harry following his steps with a big smile on his face. He could laugh but he knows the feeling, knows what it feels like to miss home even when you feel at home too when you're away. 

“I'm mad at you, honey” is the first thing Maura says when they step in the living room. It stops Niall from running to her and cover her face with kisses. Instead a frown takes place on his face, confusion in his mind. “Why didn't you tell us? You hid for months. Months Niall. Why didn't you tell us when you came this summer? Or even before that in march?” She seems so upset. Nobody moves. It feels like all the air from the room has disappeared.  
“I don't know what you're talking about ma” Niall is so confused he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't remember lying to his mum or hiding something important from her.  
“Harry, my dear, will you explain to your boyfriend why I'm so mad at him?” Maura is so confident, hands on her hips, lips pursed in a thin line.  
“Boyfriend?” Harry asks, catching on what's going on. “Oh my god. Did my mother call you? When did she do that? I thought I made sure she forgets about this. She never forgets it seems” he starts rambling, his hands going to his forehead. Niall's mouth hangs open, shock running through his veins.  
“So you weren't even going to tell me? I'm disappointed in both of you. Why would you hide this from me Niall?” She's on the verge of tears now but her son is too struck to do anything about it.  
“Its a big misunderstanding Maura” Harry starts, seeing as his friend is unable to explain the situation. “Me and Niall aren't really dating. My mother came for my birthday. Niall has this bad habit of saying honey I'm home when he arrives and she heard him. She thought he was my boyfriend. I didn't want to disappoint her so we played along with it and forgot once she was gone. Except she didn't forgot. She never forgets. She asked me to bring Niall home for Christmas. And we played pretend for the sake of my family but we're not dating. This is so fucked up. Sorry about the language. I never meant to drag you into this. I'm so sorry Niall. I know you didn't want your mother in the middle. So sorry. It's all my fault” Harry feels like shit. He's an utter ass for even wanting to pretend anything was going on. He doesn't even hope to be forgiven. Niall's gonna hate him after this.  
“I don't believe you. Why are you lying? It's not a problem if you're dating. Harry, dear, you know I love you. It feels like you're the third son I wanted and never had. Why wouldn't you tell me? Do you think I would be horrible if you brought someone home?” She's so hurt. So hurt it makes Harry's heart ache.  
“I'm sorry ma. So sorry I didn't tell you about this. We wanted to be sure, completely sure before telling anyone but Anne caught us at the very beginning. I'm sorry. I love you ma, it just got out of hands”. Niall is shocked by his own words. Why fighting? She didn't believe Harry when he explained it to her. They pretended for two days, they can do it for three more.  
“What?” Harry watches his friend intently, not believing he just lied to his mother.  
“Oh boys! I'm so happy for you. We knew this would happen. We talked about it. The first time I met Anne, we agreed you'd make a lovely couple soon. Four years later I thought I was totally wrong but here you are.” She hugs them both, bringing a tissue to her cheeks and eyes, collecting the tears. 

Niall feels exhausted. The trip to Mullingar combined to his eventful arrival has drained all his energy. He wants to cry and scream at the same time. Why is this happening? How are they gonna get out of this mess? It's his fault this time. He could have backed up Harry's story and explain everything. It just seemed easier to go along with it. For the first time since February, he understands Harry and why he did this in the first place. Maura lets them go to Niall's room to put aside their bags. Harry feels out of place. He doesn't know what to do. Is he allowed to say something? He wants to apologize, but it seems pointless. He doesn't even breathe normally, afraid to complicate everything by taking too much room. 

“I'm sorry” He finally murmurs, looking down at his feet. He ruined everything. He should have told the truth from the beginning.  
“Not your fault. You tried to explain it to her.” Niall's voice is flat, tired.  
“Why did you go along with the lie?” Harry doesn't get why he did it. He knows why he didn't tell his mother in the first place, but Niall was so mad at him for lying. He didn't want his mother to know about it and yet when he had the chance to explain it he followed their false story.  
“Seemed easier than fighting for the truth. Now that I think about it, it's completely stupid. What are we gonna do when we go home? When we find someone we actually want to spend our life with, what are we gonna say? I'm an idiot. I just lied to my mother. I never lied to her. Not even once. She was the first to know about everything and now I told her a lie and she thinks I didn't tell her about my relationship. I'm an asshole. And a liar. Christ. What are we gonna do Harry?” Niall's helpless. He wants to throw himself against a wall, bang his head until he doesn't feel anything. He hates himself for what he just did. He hates lying to the only person who cherishes him more than anything.  
“It's gonna be okay.” Harry takes him in his arms. “We're gonna pretend a few more days, then go back home and figure everything out. It'll be okay. I promise.” He stokes Niall's back, holding him and comforting him. “You're with your family, they love you. They'll always love you. I love you too. Everything will be alright. You need to enjoy your time here. Don't focus on what we're gonna do after this.” He doesn't know what else to say. 

He wants to cheer him up but Niall's the happy one. Niall is the kind of person to cheer up others and it feels hard when he's the one that needs help. Harry feels so useless. He doesn't deserve to have someone like Niall in his life. He's a ball of sunshine, a bubble of happiness and smile. He means so much to Harry, he helped him go out of his comfort zone and try things. Harry's so grateful to have him in his life and he feels like he just made everything more complicated this past week for him. He's putting hurdles in his life. Right now, Harry doesn't feel worthy of Niall's friendship. He wants to say sorry again and again but he knows it won't change anything maybe upset Niall even more. 

Harry stays by his side all day, saying dumb jokes to make him laugh. He wants Niall to forget that they are pretending. He keeps their hands linked, kisses him from time to time, but mostly, he stays his stupid self, making everyone laugh and fall for him. He knows how to charm a family. Harry's always been good to be loved by parents. It's a good day in the end. Niall's brother, his wife and their son arrive a bit later. Just like almost everyone else before her, Denise says she isn't surprised at all to learn they're together now, making the boys a bit uncomfortable for a bit. They don't ask intrusive questions, even though they're a bit curious. But it's all in a good spirit and they end up having a great day. 

When they go to sleep, Harry wants to talk about the situation but Niall refuses to even acknowledge him. He goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth and prepares for bed without even saying a word to his friend. Harry doesn’t know what to say to him, he was perfectly fine downstairs. Now they’re in private and he doesn’t want to talk. Did he say something that pissed him off? He can’t recall saying anything bad. He basically only repeated the story Niall told to his family. He might have added a part about their dates to restaurants once a month, but that’s it. Why does Niall seem so off is a mystery. He’s usually so talkative when something bothers him. Harry waits for them to be in bed before asking anything. He can’t take it anymore when Niall faces the wall instead of him. 

“What is it? Why are you avoiding me ever since we went upstairs? Did I do something wrong?” He can’t stop the concern to show in his voice.  
Niall sighs before answering “you’re perfect Harry. My whole family loves you so much. It’s a bit overwhelming to see them accepting this situation so easily. They all seem to genuinely believe we’re together. They all fucking say they expected it. How are we gonna end this without any damage? This, it’s” he starts to stutter, overwhelmed by all kinds of feeling. “You didn’t do anything wrong Harry. it’s not against you love, I’m exhausted and frustrated and anxious. That’s all.” Niall turns to his friend, searching his face for understanding. He finds the same worried look as yesterday morning. “Don’t worry Haz, we’ll manage to find something” he says in a soothing voice, putting his hand on his friend’s cheek and caressing lightly.  
“You’re a bit inconsistent” Harry tells him in a whisper.  
“I don’t like to see you so worried” Niall confesses.  
“I don’t like you avoiding me and not talking to me when you’re upset. we’re in this together, remember?” Harry wants him to understand how much their friendship means to him. Probably more than anything if he’s honest.  
“We’re all in this together…” Niall starts before Harry slaps his hand on his mouth stopping him right away.  
“Hell no! You’re not singing High School Musical to make me laugh. That’s not fair. I’ll have it in mind all night. I won’t be able to sleep now!” Harry pouts, making Niall grin a bit under his hand.  
“Sorry!” Niall tries to say, his voice muffled by Harry’s hand on his mouth. 

They stare at each other in silence. When Harry turns off the light, he still feels like he can see Niall’s face. Even in the dark, he’s able to describe the blue in his eyes and pinpoint every single freckle. They don’t do anything, they continue to stare and share something special. They feel like they’re on the same page. Overwhelmed, worried but happy to be together. They feel safe around each other. They can share their deepest and darkest secrets without fearing judgment. They can count on each other. They know they’ll make it trough this and that they could probably survive everything. 

Harry doesn’t even think about it, but his hand moves from Niall’s mouth to his cheeks, then his forehead brushing his fingers against his fringe. He lets his hand wander on Niall’s face, stroking his skin lightly making the blond boy shiver under his gentle touch. Niall closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth that spreads through his whole body. He feels good from head to toe. It shouldn’t feel like this when a friend takes care of you. Hearts shouldn’t beat that fast. It shouldn't be this enjoyable. Yet, Niall doesn’t ask him to stop. On the contrary, he leans into his touch, shifting closer to his body, wanting to feel Harry’s weight by his side. 

Harry's breath hits his mouth but he couldn't care less. He wants him to be even closer. He would love to melt into him and never feel anything except warmth and happiness. Niall wants Harry to tell him goodbye like he did every other night for the past two weeks. He wants Harry to kiss him and make him forget everything. So, instead of waiting for his friend to make a move, he raises his head and wraps his lips around Harry's mouth. Harry doesn't even flinch or jerk away. He instantly replies, leaving his hand on Niall's cheek, pulling him even closer. It feels different from what they've shared so far. It's quieter, softer, sweeter, lighter. In a word, it's better. Yet, it feels more complicated too, like it has more meaning than what they did before. 

Niall doesn't want them to break apart so he puts in hand on Harry's love handles, keeping him glued to his body. They keep it light at first but soon in transforms to something a bit more heated. Niall lifts Harry's shirt, putting his freezing hands directly on his warm body making Harry shiver. But he doesn't shy away. Instead he tangles their legs, warming Niall's feet too. He deepens the kiss for the first time, asking shyly with his tongue to enter Niall's mouth. He wants to feel him. More than that, he needs to know how it feels to really kiss him. He wants it to be mind-blowing, something neither of them will forget, something they'll remember and cherish even if it doesn't mean more than just a kiss between friends. Harry's hand drops on Niall's hips, stroking his skin in little circles. They keep kissing and touching and caressing for what feels like hours. They finally fall asleep cuddled up together tightly, not wanting to break apart. 

The rest of their stay passes by in a blur. They drink a lot, laugh too much, eat way more than they need and touch whenever they want, even when they don't have too. The night before their departure is a bit different. They stay up late with Bobby, wanting to catch up as much as possible before leaving yet again. Harry knows how much Niall loves his father and misses him, so he lets them together and stays with Maura. They chit chat for a long time, talking about the future, what he's expecting to do after this last year, what are his plans. Then they talk about their future as a couple. Harry doesn't have to lie when he says they'll probably continue to share the apartment. They had this conversation a few times already and Harry wants to stay in Dublin. He kind of fell in love with the city and going back to England now is not what he's longing for. 

When Harry goes to sleep, Niall is still in deep conversation with his da in the living room. Unexpectedly, Niall joins him only a few minutes after he tucked himself in bed. He doesn't waste any time before cuddling close to him under the covers. Niall feels so hot next to him, it's almost unbearable. Harry starts to worry a bit but is rapidly stopped by his friend kissing him and.... well.... if Harry's weak every time Niall kisses him, no one has to know. It's their last night like this. Tomorrow they'll be back to what they truly are. Great friends. The bestest friends even. No more touching, no more kissing so they have to make the most of it tonight before everything's over. 

Harry can't say he's really surprised when he feels Niall's hand wander a bit lower than it has since they started this thing. He's not startled even though he didn't really expected it. The only reaction Niall gets is a low moan, barely audible. But the blond is so close that he heard it of course, which gives him the courage to continue. They don't know what's gotten into them. They shouldn’t do this, they shouldn't touch inappropriately. Kissing and hugging is already a huge step, but jerking off together is way over the limit they should have fixed. But it feels so right to have Niall's hand on him, he can't say anything to stop him. The only thing that leaves Harry's mouth are moans and prayers and kisses. 

Harry feels a huge desire to give back when it's over, but Niall has already taken care of himself and the curly lad can't help but feel disappointed. He's like that, he loves to give way more than he likes to receive. Maybe in the morning before they have to go. Or when they go back home. And that's where his mind stops. Home. They can't continue this once they're back in Dublin. What happened during this week has to stop when they arrive to their flat. It was a great week but it's over as soon as they set a foot in Dublin. Harry's not sure he can forget. Hell, he doesn't want to forget but he knows he'll have to. It'll feel different. Harry's sure of it, one of them is gonna get hurt. It can't end well. They've gone too far.

“It'll be alright. No weirdness. Go to sleep” Niall mumbles in his ear and Harry obeys, like always. 

And well Niall was right. It doesn't feel weird once they're back. They continue their lives like before, at least that's what they think. Until New Year's eve when they're around other friends. Harry can't help but feel like everyone's staring at them. He doesn't know if he's gone paranoid or if something is up but it doesn't feel right. It's confirmed when he steps out of the bathroom and gets cornered by Liam with a suspicious look on his face. Liam gives Harry a once over, making the curly lad shift uncomfortably before opening his mouth. 

“Did something happen with Niall?” He says, surprising Harry.  
“Niall? No. At least I don't think so. We're good as always. Why?” Harry doesn't see why he's asking this. They're acting like they always do, laughing with each other and stuff.  
“You've always been close, but tonight you're downright gravitating around each other. I don't know if you've been more than 10 feet apart. It just seems different.” He explains, contemplative. Harry doesn't know what to say. Are they really acting different? It felt normal between them even though he was worried at first.  
“I.... I didn't notice” he stutters, searching for the right answer. He loves Liam and knows he can't talk to him about anything but he doesn't know how to put words on what he's feeling right now. “I mean... I don't know, it doesn't feel different” and he can't look Liam in the eyes because he knows it's not true. He's not ready to admit it because he's the one that's gonna end up with his heart broken. 

When Liam leaves it at that, Harry finds himself breathing heavily. He's close to a panic attack. He stays in the hallway, calming his nerves and taking deep breaths. No one comes looking for him and he's glad. He couldn't have explained what was happening. When he gets back in the room, the first person he sees is obviously Niall. You can't miss him with his laugh on full display for everyone to hear. He radiates like the sunshine, bringing joy to everyone and everything and Harry wants to throw up. He stays away from him for the remaining of the night, not missing Liam watching him closely and Niall's worried looks. This year's gonna be tough Harry thinks as they celebrate. 

And he's right. It's their last year and they have more work, harder work too and at the end of February he can't wait for his exams to be over and put an end to this torture. But it's nothing compared to what's been growing in his mind and his heart. Harry misses kissing Niall goodnight. He misses his touch. He misses him even though he's right there and it takes all his energy not to do or say anything stupid. When you think back, you can say that he always had a little crush for the irish boy. He always loved him more than everyone else. Right from the start, it was him his favorite. And the more he got to know him, the more he grown fond of him. But right now, it's worse, it's gotten so much worse and he doesn't know what to do. 

Now he knows how it feels to be the center of Niall's world. He knows how it feels to touch him and be touched by him. He knows what it's like to kiss him goodnight and good morning. He knows so much more, things he shouldn’t know as a friend but he knows them and it fucked everything up. He can't go back and unlearn these things. He has to live with it and deal with it. That's why he went back to England for his birthday. Without Niall to the great despair of his mother. He wanted to take his mind off of things but it only got worse because his mum is even more fond of Niall than he is. She couldn't stop talking about how great he is, how much she loves him and how she's so happy Harry found someone so trustworthy. It didn't help at all. 

Harry pretends so well in front of his friend. Telling him about this boy he met a few times, even though that guy is in fact a jerk, he tells Niall he likes him when his friend talks about that guy he met in a coffee shop and saw a few times. His name's James and he's actually pretty nice and gorgeous but it makes Harry's heart ache to admit it. The worst part is he can't even talk about it to anyone. His mother thinks he's dating Niall, so he can't talk about Niall dating someone else. And none of their friends know about what happened during Christmas. They could have talked and joked about it, but they stayed quiet. So Harry's alone with his thoughts and sometimes, he really thinks he's gonna go mental. 

The first day of March, Niall tells him he broke things off with James. When Harry asks why, Niall answers with a shrug. No sparks he says. And Harry's not sure if he's happy or not. He liked James, even though it pained him to admit it. He was a good guy. And as his grandma always say, you know what you lose, not what you'll find after. Harry can't really face the idea of Niall with someone whose not worthy of him. Niall deserves the world and Harry would do anything for him and he expects nothing less from the guy who has his heart. Niall proposes to go out tonight, but Harry's not up for it, he's tired and doesn't want to go out. So Niall goes alone, meeting mates in temple bar and leaving Harry watching some rom com on the telly. 

It's a stupid film but Harry's not in the mood for something intelligent. He just wants to lay there and rehashing everything that turned wrong in his life since Christmas. He even thinks about going back to England after his graduation, but he can't bring himself to lose everything he's been working for here, just because he had the stupid idea to fall in love with his best friend. He'll only go back for the summer, hoping to get rid of these thoughts before starting a new life with a job and stuff. Maybe he'll meet someone. It was the plan all along, keeping Niall as his best friend, meeting someone, starting his career, marrying the guy he met, maybe adopt one or two little babies and that's it. But his brain is not cooperative. 

He's out of his thoughts with the sound of a special edition. He frowns, cause they just cut the movie in the middle for this. It must be important. He sits properly, waiting for the announcer to tell what's going on. What he hears is not what he was expecting. He remembers the attack in Paris. The horror of those deaths, those people who were only enjoying life on a nice night out and got killed by monsters. He remembers sitting with Niall and talking about it for hours, talking about the pain the families must felt after losing their loved ones like that. They were only living. They hadn't done anything wrong but they got killed anyway. 

His brain shuts off. He can't bring himself to believe the words coming out of the speaker's mouth. It can't happen again. It can't happen here. Here as in Dublin. It can't happen tonight. It can't happen exactly where Niall was going tonight. It can't be real. This time, Harry can't stop the panic attack. He waits patiently, trying to sing a song in his head to get rid of this dreading feeling. He counts the seconds, trying desperately to get his breathing back at it's normal pace. When he's calmed down enough, he jumps on his cell, fumbling with the screen to get Niall's phone number and press call. It doesn't even ring, it goes straight to voicemail. 

Harry can't help but imagining the worst scenario. Niall shot and bombed or whatever. Niall scared. Niall crying and asking for help. Harry can't do anything. He can't go there, they won't let him near the attack. Harry can't think of anything except Niall. He tries to stay positive. Maybe he had time to hide. Maybe he wasn't even in the bar that got attacked. He's fine. He has to be fine. Harry thinks of calling Bobby or Maura, tell them Niall was out for the night but he can't bring himself to worry them. It might be nothing, he can't scare them if Niall's okay. But if he's not, how could he tell Maura and Bobby it's his fault. He should have asked him to stay with him. Or go out with him to protect him. 

Tears stream down his face. It can't be happening. It's not real. Niall is fine. He's alive and well. He has to be. Harry feels so useless. He should have told him. He should have risked everything. He can't lose him but he can't live with those feelings unknown either. Niall can't be dead. He can't die without knowing what Harry feels. It's not fair. He's so young and so bright. He's so smart and he could do so much for this world. He can't die. It's not possible. Not now, not when he has so much to offer. Harry brings his knees to his body and circle them with his arms. He starts pacing, trying to catch the important bits on the telly. He can't let himself think of the worse. He has to be strong. He has to believe. Faith. He hasn't prayed for so long and now he feels ashamed of it. He doesn't feel worthy of god's attention right now. But he needs Niall to be okay. He'll do anything. 

It seems like the world has stopped. Every second feels like an hour. It's endless. Not knowing is worse than everything. You can't let yourself cry too much, but you can't hope either. You just wait, you simply put your life on hold and try not to think too much. Harry feels numb, empty. He can't feel anything. He tries Niall's cell again a few times, but nothing. Voicemail each time. Harry thinks of leaving a message, but he can't bring himself to declare his feelings to an inanimate object. Especially if it's never gonna be heard by the most important person. It's gonna be fine. It's almost 1A.M but Harry won't be able to sleep anyway so he stays glued to the telly, waiting for names to drop or something. Maybe his cell will ring. Niall must have his number in his wallet. Or his parents. What if... What if.... So many what ifs.

The sound of the key in the lock doesn't even gets registered by his brain. It's so fuzzy and clouded in his mind. He hears footsteps and someone mutter under his breath, but it doesn't get registered. He must be imagining things. He's so tired or worn out, he must be hallucinating. Finally, he finds him in his peripheral vision, he stops when he sees Harry prostrated in the living room, tears shining on his cheeks. Harry can't believe it. He can't bring himself to think it's real if it's not. He stays silent, waiting for this hallucination to disappear and leave him hopeless. He watches as the fake Niall takes a step before stopping again, his eyes wandering from the TV to Harry then back to the TV, a frown on his beautiful angelic face. 

“Harry? What's happening?” He doesn't get an answer. Harry can't talk, his throat is so tight. “Harry?” Tone more worried and it rings exactly like Niall's voice. Harry finds himself starting to cry again. “Come on Haz. What happened?” In three steps he's right in front of Harry. 

The curly lad chokes on a sob. He has trouble breathing again. He finds himself praying for this to be real. Niall is really in front of him, a worried look on his face. He's fine. He's perfectly fine and he's here, with him. He's rubbing his back and murmuring soothing words with this gentle voice Harry loves so much. He doesn't really see anything, it's too blurry because of his tears, but he can catch sight of the blue in his eyes. So, so blue. Bluer than the sky. So blue you want to spend your life immersed in this ocean. It's what helps him calm down. He holds onto those eyes. He knows he can't imagine them. It's always faded when he thinks of those eyes, but they're so bright right now. It has to be real. 

“Harry” He starts when it's silent again “can you tell me what's happening”.  
“You're here” his voice is so hoarse, it's hard to talk but he has to. He has to know this is real. “You're really here?”  
“Yeah I'm here Haz. Of course I'm here. What's going on?” Harry is so relieved he has to hug him. He's probably holding on too tight, but he needs it so Niall doesn't say anything.  
“There was an attack. Temple bar. Terrorists.” He can't explain it with real sentences. “You were there. Couldn't reach you. Oh my god Niall, I thought you were dead”. He starts crying again, but this time it's happy tears. He's here. He's fine. It's a relief. Niall makes a move to stand up, but Harry holds onto him. “Don't let go”.  
“Never Haz” The way he says it is so tender it makes Harry's heart skips a bit. “But I really have to pee. Been dying for an hour. I'll explain everything and cuddle you all night if you want, but I need two minutes.”

Harry lets him go. He feels panic start to rise again when Niall's out of sight, but he's back, before it settles truly. Niall takes him to his room. Climbing on the bed after getting rid of most of his clothes, and patting the cover next to him. Harry jumps on the bed and almost on Niall too. He takes his hand and intertwine their fingers. He has too feel him. He'll need to hold him for a long time. All night and probably tomorrow too. It has to be fine. Niall runs his hand on Harry's arm and then settles on his hip, under his T-shirt. 

“I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't know what was going on. I got bored real fast. Ya know I love the boys, but it felt weird without you here. But I wanted to stay out a bit more so I started walking. My phone died, probably why you couldn't reach me” he explains slowly, making sure Harry understands him perfectly. “Thought I had more money on me but only had like two euros so I couldn't catch a taxi. So I walked back home, which took me about two hours. That's why I was so late. Otherwise I would have been there before everything or right after. The boys didn't stay either, so everyone should be fine. I'm sorry you were so worried. I didn't know”. Harry doesn't want him to feel guilty. He shouldn’t even have to explain himself like this. 

“It was a weird night. Was already thinking about what I would say to your parents. I... I don't want you to feel guilty Niall. It's not your fault. Do you remember what we talked about when there was this attack in Paris?” The blond boy nods, remembering perfectly that night. “Not knowing is what makes you go mental. I couldn't stand the idea of not seeing you again.” He takes a deep breath. It's now or never. He has to say it and face the consequences. If he doesn't do it, he'll regret it. “I thought I lost you. I can't say it made me realize things, because I already knew it, but it makes you put everything in perspective. Life is short and I can't let you die without you knowing what I feel.” Niall's body go tense.  
“Don't” He murmurs quietly. 

“I have to. I'm sorry. Even if you don't feel the same way, I have to say it, otherwise I'll never be able to move on. I think I felt this for a really long time but I never really thought of it. Last Christmas was special. So, so special. Spending it with you was extraordinary. Whether or not we had to pretend was accessory. Most of it was real for me. At the time, I thought we were only playing our roles, but I know I would have acted the same way if it had been real. I wanted to kiss you for years, but didn't want to ruin everything between us, so it was the perfect excuse. And it was more than I ever imagined. I could spend my days kissing you, only kissing you. Fuck it, I love you Niall. I'm so in love you and it frightens me. I love every single little thing that makes you you. The way you put milk in your mug before you tea when every one else does the opposite. The way you can't help but dance and singalong every time we hear the generic of OTH, even though you'll pretend you don't like this song anymore. I don't know, I could go on for hours. It just feels so right when I'm with you. Whatever we do, it's like we fit perfectly, we balance each other and I love it, I love you. You don't have to say anything, you don't have to share those feelings. I don't care. I only want you to know how much you're loved because the thought of loosing you without you knowing this, it kills me. You're incredible and you deserve every single good thing that happened in your life and way more if I'm honest. I don't know what I'd do without you.” Harry can't help but grin, it feels good to let it out. But his smile falters when he sees Niall crying. 

“Oh no baby, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry, I... Maybe I shouldn't have said it”.  
“Don't you dare take that back” Harry is so confused. He can't bare to see Niall cry. He doesn't cry often and it's the worst thing he's ever witness. It feels like the sun is clouded by heavy dark clouds and it's never good. “You're so confusing.” Harry wants to answer, but Niall shushes him with a hand on his mouth. “How can I say this? I have thought about this for years, and now I get to speak, I don't have any words. That's bullshit. I'll tell you what happened three years ago it'll make you understand what happened in February last year. You remember when I went to Holmes Chapel with you the summer your mum married Robin.” Harry nods, of course he remembers, it was a great week of celebration. “Your mother and I had a talk one night. I couldn't sleep and went to grab a glass of water, and she was up too. We mostly talked about you. She loves you so much by the way, she's incredibly proud. She figured out easily I was in love with you back then.”  
“What?” Harry can't help but mumble in Niall's hand. 

“Shush! That's why she was so keen to believe you and I were a thing last year. She knows I've had feelings for you for years and probably thought I gathered the guts to tell you. Oh god, this is so frustrating. I've been feeling this for so long, I'm accustomed to wanting things I thought I could never have. And then you get here, and oh let's pretend we're together for a week and you kiss me and you're everything I dreamed of and then this last night, I couldn't stop thinking that it was gonna be over the next day and I wanted to know how it felt to make you feel good and be the one giving you pleasure. I didn't thought much when I did it, I just wanted to feel you. I haven't stopped thinking about it since then. But I didn't want you to start feeling things for me because of that. I wanted it to be genuine” he drops his hand “because I love you and I wanted you to love me back for so long, but not because you had a glimpse of what it's like.”  
“We're idiots aren't we? Because if I'm honest, I think I wanted to date you from the moment I met you. When you started laughing instead of screaming at me, you were so beautiful and kind, I wanted you from the start, but I thought you were out of my league. And then we became friends and life goes on and you kind of forget about it even though it's still there. We wasted so much time” He laughs because it's so cheesy and cliche. Best friends who are in love but waste years before starting anything.  
“Don't think it's a waste. We're ready now. At least I hope. It's all that matters.”

Their smiles are so bright. They're on the same page yet again, feeling the same thing at the same time, wanting the same thing too but feeling a bit shy. Harry's not sure who does what after this. It's lot of kisses and touches and moans and laughs and so much. It feels right, it feels so so right to love someone even on a murderous night. Especially on a murderous night. They'll think of people loosing their loved ones tomorrow. Right now is about them, is about caring, is about sharing and loving. Once they're in bed, relaxed, they talk about it again, like they did for Paris, but their minds are elsewhere, on a beautiful cloud. 

“How are we gonna explain we actually started dating a year after everyone thinks?”  
“We don't. It doesn't really change anything, does it? Our mothers were right anyway.”

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously the Paris attack inspired the last part, I needed something to push them to do something. I didn't like the idea of jalousy, so yep I'm shit at ending story so sorry if it seems abrupt. 
> 
> Hope you liked it. Don't know if I'll write anything else, I'm working on a fic in french that takes my free time outside of work but I might. One day. 
> 
> Have a good day, good night, good life and so on. 
> 
> Lots of love, Polikuro


End file.
